Inspired by the "Just Follow Directions" thread and the posts made by PygmyPlaidGiraffe.
As a teacher, my students dont appear to be at the sharpest marbles. Every year I am bombarded with the stupidest most god-awful things I've ever heard in my life. The things my TA's and I put up with can only be described as "punitively damaging". My students are titans of ignorance. Sure, they can handle their "trees fall and no one can hear them" but when it comes to "how do you know your are not dreaming right now" they become mindless.
I'm known for butchering the English language in my classroom. Oops, my bad. I forgot the serious sin of "double negatives".
"Mr. Christian, you just said 'It dont got nothing to do with chance'. Then apparently it does have something to do with chance."
Use some common sense you idiots. You know what I meant.
"Mr. Christian, I know I did my homework but I cant find it."
That has legitimately happened to me a few times but what do you expect me to do, give you full credit. Sorry loser, you get a ZERO.
"Mr. Christian, you just used the word 'ain't'. 'Ain't' isn't actually a word".
So, I dont care. Did my use of the "aint" prevent you from understanding me.
I know each and every one of my students. Sometimes they turn in assignments that just dont match their style of writing. If I suspect one of my students of plagiarism, I just type in some of the text into this nifty software we have at the school and see what we come up with. The software works by scouring Google for keywords and trying to match up text to website... its really cool. When I find what I'm looking for I print out the plagiarized text followed by a URL and staple it to the students paper. And when a student recieves a 0, I dont draw number, I write the word "ZERO" in big red bold letters.
Every year, I have a series of students who like to pay another student to write do all their homework. Its funny because I've had as many as 6 or so homeworks at time written in the same style, changed ever so slightly (it might be italicized, or written in pen so as not to draw similarities to the other papers). Sometimes the student will intentionally write false answers... sometimes they are humorous.
Last year I got one of those weird people who are overly proud of their grades. One of the ones who will try and argue every wrong answer he got. Once he missed 11 out of 30. He tried to claim that the instructions were too vague and therefore the test should not count. Needless to say, I dont make exceptions for individual students... especially based on the "I dont understand" principle. Also needless to say, I had to fight with this kid for half the class period because he refused to accept his grade because it was unfair. Idiot.
Every year I get the badass student who makes it his primary duty to piss me off. Just a smart ass kid who yells out ignorant things in the middle of my teaching like "Oops I farted, can I go the bathroom and change". "Teacher your boring, ha ha ha". "If youre so smart, whats the meaning of life". I dont know why I deal with those imbeciles. Its against school policy to just pop those kids in the mouth for being a nuisance... damn.
One of the few things I enjoy is every 2 months, the school pays for all the teachers to go to Applebees and just talk... usually about the students and upcoming events. I just go for the Presidente Margaritas.
Have any funny stories to share?
As a teacher, my students dont appear to be at the sharpest marbles. Every year I am bombarded with the stupidest most god-awful things I've ever heard in my life. The things my TA's and I put up with can only be described as "punitively damaging". My students are titans of ignorance. Sure, they can handle their "trees fall and no one can hear them" but when it comes to "how do you know your are not dreaming right now" they become mindless.
I'm known for butchering the English language in my classroom. Oops, my bad. I forgot the serious sin of "double negatives".
"Mr. Christian, you just said 'It dont got nothing to do with chance'. Then apparently it does have something to do with chance."
Use some common sense you idiots. You know what I meant.
"Mr. Christian, I know I did my homework but I cant find it."
That has legitimately happened to me a few times but what do you expect me to do, give you full credit. Sorry loser, you get a ZERO.
"Mr. Christian, you just used the word 'ain't'. 'Ain't' isn't actually a word".
So, I dont care. Did my use of the "aint" prevent you from understanding me.
I know each and every one of my students. Sometimes they turn in assignments that just dont match their style of writing. If I suspect one of my students of plagiarism, I just type in some of the text into this nifty software we have at the school and see what we come up with. The software works by scouring Google for keywords and trying to match up text to website... its really cool. When I find what I'm looking for I print out the plagiarized text followed by a URL and staple it to the students paper. And when a student recieves a 0, I dont draw number, I write the word "ZERO" in big red bold letters.
Every year, I have a series of students who like to pay another student to write do all their homework. Its funny because I've had as many as 6 or so homeworks at time written in the same style, changed ever so slightly (it might be italicized, or written in pen so as not to draw similarities to the other papers). Sometimes the student will intentionally write false answers... sometimes they are humorous.
Last year I got one of those weird people who are overly proud of their grades. One of the ones who will try and argue every wrong answer he got. Once he missed 11 out of 30. He tried to claim that the instructions were too vague and therefore the test should not count. Needless to say, I dont make exceptions for individual students... especially based on the "I dont understand" principle. Also needless to say, I had to fight with this kid for half the class period because he refused to accept his grade because it was unfair. Idiot.
Every year I get the badass student who makes it his primary duty to piss me off. Just a smart ass kid who yells out ignorant things in the middle of my teaching like "Oops I farted, can I go the bathroom and change". "Teacher your boring, ha ha ha". "If youre so smart, whats the meaning of life". I dont know why I deal with those imbeciles. Its against school policy to just pop those kids in the mouth for being a nuisance... damn.
One of the few things I enjoy is every 2 months, the school pays for all the teachers to go to Applebees and just talk... usually about the students and upcoming events. I just go for the Presidente Margaritas.
Have any funny stories to share?