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Alex Jones' Infowars Purchased at Auction by The Onion

shemp

a flimsy character...perfidious and despised
shemp
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The Onion wins Alex Jones' Infowars in bankruptcy auction
The Onion, the satirical news company that repeatedly spoofed conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, has won the bankruptcy auction for control over his media empire — most notably Infowars, the far-right, conspiracy-minded website that served as Jones’ primary online platform.

Jones announced the sale on X on Thursday morning.

“I just got word 15 minutes ago that my lawyers and folks met with the U.S. trustee over our bankruptcy this morning and they said they are shutting us down even without a court order this morning,” Jones said.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m going to be here until they come and turn the lights off,” he added.
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They turned the lights off quickly.

The Onion plans to shutter Jones’ Infowars and rebuild the website featuring well-known internet humor writers and content creators, according to a person with knowledge of the sale. About an hour and a half after the announcement of the sale, Infowars' website was shut down.
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A bright spot in a sea of darkness. Made my day. :)
 
shemp said:
I agree, there's no need to merge it.
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Ok, on that note, let me add my two cents from my original post on the Alex Jones thread (as it was noted there that the podcast would continue with an Onion bent, and an actual article was written by them to explain why Infowars was bought):

Here's an example, and OMG, I can tell this will be a very, very good investment:


Founded in 1999 on the heels of the Satanic “panic” and growing steadily ever since, InfoWars has distinguished itself as an invaluable tool for brainwashing and controlling the masses. With a shrewd mix of delusional paranoia and dubious anti-aging nutrition hacks, they strive to make life both scarier and longer for everyone, a commendable goal. They are a true unicorn, capable of simultaneously inspiring public support for billionaires and stoking outrage at an inept federal state that can assassinate JFK but can’t even put a man on the Moon.
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The source of satire will be endless, especially with the maga weirdoes running things, including the inefficient Department of Efficiency and the "new" sleepy Department of Warriors to lead the battle... bwahahahaha


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I replied on the CT thread before I saw this one, so I'll just repost it:

I love it! Apparently eight of the Sandy Hook families endorsed the deal in a CNN interview a few hours ago.

I'm going to be interested in what they do with it. Could use it as a platform for a satirical CT content. Or maybe just have a link to anti-CT sites.

They're great (it's my homepage) - I think they'll make good use of it.

ETA: And yes, before anybody asks, my avatar came from The Onion.
 
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Onion CEO just said they're going to use it to go after to create a new world to after what Alex Jones created. He said that they have things cooked up.

And I can't wait!
 
"As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal." -Global Tetrahedron

Ooooo--who is it gonna be?? Maybe Elon Musk??
 
PitPat said:
Onion CEO just said they're going to use it to go after to create a new world to after what Alex Jones created. He said that they have things cooked up.

And I can't wait!
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stanfr said:
"As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal." -Global Tetrahedron

Ooooo--who is it gonna be?? Maybe Elon Musk??
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The source of satire will be endless, especially with the maga weirdoes running things, including the inefficient Department of Efficiency and the "new" sleepy Department of Warriors to lead the battle... bwahahahaha


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i think it's funny that of all the many, many right wing conspiracy theorist grifters out there, he's the only one who failed
 
Love it that the Sandy Hook families were first consulted and supported this, classy move on The Onion's part.

Any word on what they got it for? I don't see anything online except it was a sealed bid auction.
 
Thermal said:
Love it that the Sandy Hook families were first consulted and supported this, classy move on The Onion's part.

Any word on what they got it for? I don't see anything online except it was a sealed bid auction.
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According to them it was purchased for "under a trillion dollars" ;)
 
Thermal said:
Love it that the Sandy Hook families were first consulted and supported this, classy move on The Onion's part.

Any word on what they got it for? I don't see anything online except it was a sealed bid auction.
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Whether it was a "classy move" is irrelevant; the families were also major financial backers, by agreeing to take the company as part of what Jones owes them.
 
As discussed in the CT thread, the sale is now on hold, because Jones was able to convince a judge that the use of sealed bids was somehow improper. Apparently he was expecting his buddy Steve Bannon to acquire the company and continue operations as usual.

ETA: I misremembered based on someone's joke post. Reports are it was actually a shell company of Jones's that was going to buy Infowars and continue operations.
 
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SpitfireIX said:
Whether it was a "classy move" is irrelevant; the families were also major financial backers, by agreeing to take the company as part of what Jones owes them.
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The families weren't backers, they were payees. This was a bankruptcy liquidation sale; The Onion didn't have to ask anyone if it was cool for them to bid, or if the families were ok with what The Onion was going to do with it.
 
I hope they turn it into a modern weekly world news. Which still exists as a website but one that is more obviously not real than the old print version. To be fair, the print version was obviously not real but I figured folks actually believed in the bat boy, nobody believes there's a Zombie wedding in New Jersey.
 
ahhell said:
I hope they turn it into a modern weekly world news. Which still exists as a website but one that is more obviously not real than the old print version. To be fair, the print version was obviously not real but I figured folks actually believed in the bat boy, nobody believes there's a Zombie wedding in New Jersey.
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There's not??? You just destroyed the last thing I believed in!!! There is no hope!!!
 
I don't see how this is any kind of victory. Will anything prevent Alex Jones from setting up shop somewhere else, disseminating similar conspiracy theories and selling similar products? Is it more than a minor temporary setback for him while waiting to be appointed as the CEO of USAGM?
 
dann said:
I don't see how this is any kind of victory. Will anything prevent Alex Jones from setting up shop somewhere else, disseminating similar conspiracy theories and selling similar products? Is it more than a minor temporary setback for him while waiting to be appointed as the CEO of USAGM?
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He is doing that right now with the Alex Jones store, the important part is that other people "own" them like his father and Doctor Jones "Big" Naturals taking over his supplement business.
 
dann said:
I don't see how this is any kind of victory.
Will anything prevent Alex Jones from setting up shop somewhere else, disseminating similar conspiracy theories and selling similar products? Is it more than a minor temporary setback for him while waiting to be appointed as the CEO of USAGM?
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Yep. As soon as he makes any money or has any assets it can be grabbed to pay his court-imposed settlement.
 
Darat said:
Yep. As soon as he makes any money or has any assets it can be grabbed to pay his court-imposed settlement.
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A straw LLC and he's up and running before tea time. Just get some hot babe to anchor and call her Alexandria Jones.
 
stanfr said:
"As for the vitamins and supplements, we are halting their sale immediately. Utilitarian logic dictates that if we can extend even one CEO’s life by 10 minutes, diluting these miracle elixirs for public consumption is an unethical waste. Instead, we plan to collect the entire stock of the InfoWars warehouses into a large vat and boil the contents down into a single candy bar–sized omnivitamin that one executive (I will not name names) may eat in order to increase his power and perhaps become immortal." -Global Tetrahedron

Ooooo--who is it gonna be?? Maybe Elon Musk??
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Obviously the writer (Bryce P. Tetraeder, Global Tetrahedron CEO).
 
Thermal said:
A straw LLC and he's up and running before tea time. Just get some hot babe to anchor and call her Alexandria Jones.
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Unless I'm wrong, the judgement isn't only against Jones's business, but Jones himself. So any personal net worth he gains can also be gone after. He's a long ◊◊◊◊◊◊◊ way from paying it off. I hope he tries to get around paying all of it because that's going to be a massive inconvenience.
 
plague311 said:
Unless I'm wrong, the judgement isn't only against Jones's business, but Jones himself. So any personal net worth he gains can also be gone after. He's a long ◊◊◊◊◊◊◊ way from paying it off. I hope he tries to get around paying all of it because that's going to be a massive inconvenience.
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I'm sure it's true that the judgement is also against him personally. But he's still allowed to make a living. Like, they are not going to seize every Big Mac out of his mouth at lunch.

The trick is to run it like Bezos. No personal income tax because, on paper, no assets personally. The Citizens United protected LLC is actually the moneymaker, not Jones. So he shelters the cash the way corporate goons have been doing it since we had taxes, and continues the lifestyle that he technically doesn't earn the profit from.
 
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Thermal said:
I'm sure it's true that the judgement is also against him personally. But he's still allowed to make a living. Like, they are not going to seize every Big Mac out of his mouth at lunch.
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A living, yes. A fortune, no.

The trick is to run it like Bezos. No personal income tax because, on paper, no assets personally.
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Bezos has immense personal wealth. That's why his ex-wife is filthy rich now. He doesn't pay significant income tax because he doesn't have significant income. Like most ultrawealthy people, his lifestyle is paid for by borrowing against the value of his stock holdings.

If Bezos had a $100 billion dollar judgment against him, his holdings in Amazon would not be somehow off limits.
 
mumblethrax said:
A living, yes. A fortune, no.


Bezos has immense personal wealth. That's why his ex-wife is filthy rich now. He doesn't pay significant income tax because he doesn't have significant income. Like most ultrawealthy people, his lifestyle is paid for by borrowing against the value of his stock holdings.

If Bezos had a $100 billion dollar judgment against him, his holdings in Amazon would not be somehow off limits.
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I don't mean precisely like Bezos. I mean that, like Bezos, find the paper channel that allows you to live off assets that on paper, are not actually yours.
 
Thermal said:
I don't mean precisely like Bezos. I mean that, like Bezos, find the paper channel that allows you to live off assets that on paper, are not actually yours.
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But that isn't like Bezos. He actually owns that Amazon stock. Personally.
 
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