A bit of scripture for the weekend

[m_huber]

A reading from the word of God:

Exodus, chapter 7 verses 10 through 13:

"So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the Lord commanded. Aaron threw his staff down in front of Pharaoh and his officials, and it became a snake. Pharaoh then summoned wise men and sorcerers, and the Egyptian magicians also did the same things by their secret arts. Each one threw down his staff and it became a snake. But Aaron's staff swallowed up their staffs. Yet Pharaoh's heart became hard and he would not listen to them, just as the Lord had said."

So stop all this derned skepticism and get to believing, all you hard-hearted fools!

 

[This Guy]

Well, I'm convinced! It's off to church for me!














Not

 

[H3LL]

A bit of scripture for the weekend:

Book of Cyril 10:17

...Obadiah, his servants. There shall, in that time, be
rumours of things going astray, erm, and there shall be a great confusion
as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth
those little things wi-- with the sort of raffia work base that has an
attachment. At this time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer and
the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers
that their fathers put there only just the night before, about eight
o'clock. Yea, it is written in the book of Cyril that, in that time,
shall the third one...

 

[pchams]

Nothing wrong with a bit of mythology on the weekend, but the OP snippet of myth doesn't say anything. Boring.

 

[Elizabeth I]

A reading from the word of God:

Exodus, chapter 7 verses 10 through 13:

"So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the Lord commanded. Aaron threw his staff down in front of Pharaoh and his officials, and it became a snake. Pharaoh then summoned wise men and sorcerers, and the Egyptian magicians also did the same things by their secret arts. Each one threw down his staff and it became a snake. But Aaron's staff swallowed up their staffs. Yet Pharaoh's heart became hard and he would not listen to them, just as the Lord had said."

So stop all this derned skepticism and get to believing, all you hard-hearted fools!

So Pharaoh would not listen because God had decreed it, but it was still his fault? How do I get people to accept that kind of logic when I'm talking to them?

 

[cloudshipsrule]

Elizabeth,

I think God said the Pharaoh would not listen, but he allowed the Pharaoh to use his free will to actually not listen. God didn't make him not listen.

 

[grayman]

Elizabeth,

I think God said the Pharaoh would not listen, but he allowed the Pharaoh to use his free will to actually not listen. God didn't make him not listen.

Therein lies the problem with the Bible: people wrote what they thought God said and others believed what was written.

I believe I'll have another cup of coffee.

 

[cloudshipsrule]

Leave it to people to screw something up!

 

[DoubtingStephen]

I like this Bible quote because it reveals the all loving, judgmental, merciful, vengeful, forgiving, sinister, kind, cruel nature of the most mass-murdering genocidal deity that ever didn't exist.
--
Blessed is the one who grabs your little children and smashes them against a rock.
--Psalm 137, verse 9

 

[grayman]

I believe that somewhere on this forum, Stephen, is a thread with favorite biblical quotes such as yours. I'm too lazy to look for it right now.

 

[Hokulele]

I want to play!

There can be more than one god!

For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.

 

[Gord_in_Toronto]

With respect to "staff into snake", I read somewhere, sometime (TM) that snakes go rigid if they are held vertically. After all, it certainly is not a usual position for a snake. Thus this just a trick that can be explained naturally.

 

[Safe-Keeper]

I think God said the Pharaoh would not listen, but he allowed the Pharaoh to use his free will to actually not listen. God didn't make him not listen.

No, God said specifically that He would harden the pharaoh's heart. Ie. make him not allow the Jews to leave.

Moses and Aaron performed all these wonders before Pharaoh, but the LORD hardened Pharaoh's heart, and he would not let the Israelites go out of his country.

Sources.

So Pharaoh would not listen because God had decreed it, but it was still his fault?

Exactly. Nice, loving God.

How do I get people to accept that kind of logic when I'm talking to them?

I'd like to know, too. Would be awesome if I could say exactly what I wanted, no matter how twisted or bizarre, and leave it to my minions to somehow justify it.

 

[cloudshipsrule]

Safe, I was being sarcastic with my post. Sorry about not being obvious with it.

 

[bruto]

This whole thread reminds me of the wonderful sermon preached by Alan Bennet in Beyond the Fringe on the text "But my brother Esau is an hairy man, but I am a smooth man."

So Aaron had a bigger snake, or was it a bigger rod? Isn't it sinful to wave your woodie at god?

 

[m_huber]

What amuses me personally about this passage is that Moses and Aaron failed Pharaoh's equivalent to the MDC. Only for them, it was the MIC -- Million Israelite Challenge.

 

[Charlie Monoxide]

I heard somewhere that Dumbledore is gay ....

Charlie (Brokeback Potter) Monoxide

 

[articulett]

I'd like to know, too. Would be awesome if I could say exactly what I wanted, no matter how twisted or bizarre, and leave it to my minions to somehow justify it.

I want minions. How do you get them?

 

[articulett]

T

So Aaron had a bigger snake, or was it a bigger rod? Isn't it sinful to wave your woodie at god?

Thou art a poet! I never realized until this moment how rod is a perfect rhyme for god. Coolio.

 

[AZAtheist]

Just like the human race. Someone turns a staff into a snake and inevitably a bunch of old boys get together to make a contest out of it. Great selection m_huber.

 

[Beerina]

A reading from the word of God:

Exodus, chapter 7 verses 10 through 13:

"So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the Lord commanded. Aaron threw his staff down in front of Pharaoh and his officials, and it became a snake. Pharaoh then summoned wise men and sorcerers, and the Egyptian magicians also did the same things by their secret arts. Each one threw down his staff and it became a snake. But Aaron's staff swallowed up their staffs. Yet Pharaoh's heart became hard and he would not listen to them, just as the Lord had said."

So stop all this derned skepticism and get to believing, all you hard-hearted fools!

Well, I'm impressed that Yahweh can beat the ass of existing gods from other pantheons!

Maybe we'd best worship him!

 

[Tricky]

With respect to "staff into snake", I read somewhere, sometime (TM) that snakes go rigid if they are held vertically.

Only if they are rubbed repeatedly.

 

[Foster Zygote]

I know the OP was written with tongue in cheek, but I find this verse interesting in that it's basically saying that each side in a political confrontation brought out their best conjurers. Of course this actual confrontation is very unlikely to have occurred, but I'm sure that conjurers were in demand among the powerful as a means of showing the strong magic and/or gods that backed up their authority. Real demonstrations were probably pretty tame compared to what Penn & Teller might do today, but it no doubt served to impress those who saw them none the less. Of course when you're recounting a dramatic story "He pulled a coin out of my nose" or "He knew which card I'd picked" sound a lot less impressive than "He threw his staff on the ground and it became a snake! I was freakin' out!". But I wouldn't put it past a good conjurer to be able to make it appear that a staff had turned into a snake.

 

[Foster Zygote]

What amuses me personally about this passage is that Moses and Aaron failed Pharaoh's equivalent to the MDC. Only for them, it was the MIC -- Million Israelite Challenge.

But as every true believer knows, the Million Israelite Challenge was fixed so that no one can win.

 

[lysdexia]

I like this Bible quote because it reveals the all loving, judgmental, merciful, vengeful, forgiving, sinister, kind, cruel nature of the most mass-murdering genocidal deity that ever didn't exist.
--
Blessed is the one who grabs your little children and smashes them against a rock.
--Psalm 137, verse 9

It's also fake: Blessed should be Blissed: http://biblestudytools.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?word=Ps+137:1-12&version=str

 

[arthwollipot]

It's also fake: Blessed should be Blissed: http://biblestudytools.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?word=Ps+137:1-12&version=str

Huh? The link you posted shows the verse as "<i>Happy</i> shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."

And how does that change the implication that God is a cruel and capricious homicidal psychopath?

 

[DoubtingStephen]

It's also fake: Blessed should be Blissed: http://biblestudytools.com/OnlineStudyBible/bible.cgi?word=Ps+137:1-12&version=str

If by fake you mean that the entire Old Testament is just fiction and rambling discourse from an ancient, warring genocidal tribe - so fake in that way, sure, I agree.

If you meant that I or someone else had deliberately manipulated the text for comic relief, or to more clearly reveal the genocidal nature of the infant-killing God of Love, here is my source, Bible.cc

It came from a Bible website maintained by Bible lovers to help spread the Good Word of God's deeply troubling and sociopathic psychosis.

You'll note the modern, friendly English language translation I cited appears second on that page. If you'd like to argue about the semantics, or the relative merits of one translation of a bunch of psychotic nightmares over another, please be my guest. It's still my favorite Bible quote. I just love the God of Love!

Remember, Jesus died for my sins so I could be born again as a deeply sarcastic atheist. Praise Him!

 

[lysdexia]

Huh? The link you posted shows the verse as "<i>Happy</i> shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones."

And how does that change the implication that God is a cruel and capricious homicidal psychopath?

Because it wasn't about God?

 

[arthwollipot]

Because it wasn't about God?

It's a psalm! A song of worship! Of praise to God!

Is the Bible, or is it not, the word of God? If it is, then God is a petty, vainglorious psychopaths who encourages infanticide.

 

[lysdexia]

If by fake you mean that the entire Old Testament is just fiction and rambling discourse from an ancient, warring genocidal tribe - so fake in that way, sure, I agree.

You're the rambler.

If you meant that I or someone else had deliberately manipulated the text for comic relief, or to more clearly reveal the genocidal nature of the infant-killing God of Love, here is my source, Bible.cc

NASV is fake, yes. Roma was for baby-killing, but selectively and for eugenics, as am I.

It came from a Bible website maintained by Bible lovers to help spread the Good Word of God's deeply troubling and sociopathic psychosis.

Here's one of my posts: http://google.com/groups?q=evil-God+Autymn+Prov

You'll note the modern, friendly English language translation I cited appears second on that page. If you'd like to argue about the semantics, or the relative merits of one translation of a bunch of psychotic nightmares over another, please be my guest. It's still my favorite Bible quote. I just love the God of Love!

Remember, Jesus died for my sins so I could be born again as a deeply sarcastic atheist. Praise Him!

It's not a translation at all; it's wrong: Blessed is boreqáh. Blissed is -oshráh. Your misquoting proves nothing; the OT is not the NT.

 

[lysdexia]

It's a psalm! A song of worship! Of praise to God!

Is the Bible, or is it not, the word of God? If it is, then God is a petty, vainglorious psychopaths who encourages infanticide.

No, it's a song about a song about revenge against Esau's tribe.

 

[arthwollipot]

It's not a translation at all; it's wrong: Blessed is boreqah. Blissed is -oshrah. Your misquoting proves nothing; the OT is not the NT.

Here's one for you.

Matthew 5:18-19: Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or tittle shall nowise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven.

 

[arthwollipot]

No, it's a song about a song about revenge against Esau's tribe.

So God (or at least the psalmist) now glorifies revenge and infanticide performed in the cause of revenge.

Still not helping the cause of peace and justice.

 

[lysdexia]

Here's one for you.

for?

 

[arthwollipot]

the OT is not the NT.

And yet Jesus says that all of the laws of the OT are still valid, through eternity, including the ones about killing children (note - I'm talking about Lev 20:9 and Deut 21:18-21 here)

 

[lysdexia]

And yet Jesus says that all of the laws of the OT are still valid, through eternity, including the ones about killing children (note - I'm talking about Lev 20:9 and Deut 21:18-21 here)

Then came commentaries after the Gospels, Joannès's love-spiel, all that "God is love" nonsense.

 

[m_huber]

No, it's a song about a song about revenge against Esau's tribe.

Nonetheless, it still is a call to kill. "O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction, happy is he who repays you for what you have done to us -- he who seizes your infants and dashes them against the rocks."

It's a call for revenge, which isn't quite as bad as a random call to kill children, but it is still far from humane. I don't think anybody really wants to toss babies off of a mosque because of suicide bombers.

I don't know what you mean about the translation error...
From searchgodsword.org:

Transliterated Word: 'esher
Definition:
1.happiness, blessedness
a. often used as interjection
b. blessed are

 

[Taffer]

A bit of mythology for the weekend.

Othin spake:
32. "Seventh answer me well, | if wise thou art called,
If thou knowest it, Vafthruthnir, now:
How begat he children, | the giant grim,
Who never a giantess knew?"

Vafthruthnir spake:
33. "They say 'neath the arms | of the giant of ice
Grew man-child and maid together;
And foot with foot | did the wise one fashion
A son that six heads bore."

 

[TX50]

I wonder if there would have been many in those days who would have said
"But if you hold a snake like that it goes rigid and looks like a stick. It's all
just a trick!" (only they'd have said it in Egyptian)

 

[grayman]

Behold! Ye shall hold the rigid snake thusly and shake with vigorous intent, lest ye allow it to wither. And ye shall exclaim His name with much joy.