1) Of course, I would try to make every interaction I have with a stranger a positive one, but I do not think the original article helps men do that. It simply discourages them from starting the interaction in the first place.
I just don't think you're engaging in an open or honest way with the article, or the comments.
Nowhere does it say you shouldn't open a conversation. You shouldn't open a conversation with a women who indicates she doesn't want conversation via her body language and /or replies, is what it says.
2) I have no reason to believe that the women posting comments on this particular article are representative of all women. However, it does provide insight into how some women think. Some, not all.
Yes. Some, not all. Had you bothered to do more than "skim" the comments you might have had an idea of what kind of percentage. But you didn't. Because you care so much about how women feel.
I skimmed through the first 10% or so before responding to your post. But I quoted the specific part of the post that I disagreed with and I provided a specific counter argument which you have ignored.
What are you talking about? I quoted your post in its entirety. I answered your post in its entirety. What do you think I ignored?
This I addressed in my previous post, but I love the qualifier of context is everything. Indeed that is the case, the other "thing" that is everything is the specific woman being approached.
Yes, that is very very true. In fact, she is an unknown entity until you talk to her. In fact, you could call her Schrodinger's Rape Survivor. Or Schrodinger's Lesbian. Or Schrodinger's Really-Wants-Just-To-Read-Her-Book. Maybe you should look for come clues, to tell you what it is she wants? Like the clues provided by the women whose opinions you keep discounting. Then maybe you could act with regard to those clues...
I agree with that, specifically when your in a situation where the women have some obstacle in moving away from you (if she's seated).
What about the women who really WANT you to sit next to them and block the way? You know, the ones who appreciate it if you shove past their "bitchiness?"
If you asked them whether or not they would want Leonardo Dicarprio to interrupt them you might get a different response. Clearly what matters is who is interrupting them, how, why, and when. Like you said context.
no, I really don't think that all women would want Leonardo Dicaprio to interrupt them. Lesbians come to mind. Besides, who it is or how cute he is is moot. The point she's making is that she will judge how safe or sketchy a man is by if and how he pays attention to her boundaries. So let's assume, for the moment, that the woman is heterosexual and finds Leonardo Dicaprio attractive and is interested in having him talk to her. She will provide signals that she would like to continue the conversation, if that is the case. If at any point she indicates an unwillingness to continue (sorry, if she indicates "bitchiness") and he doesn't respect that, then he's going to seem sketchy. What's hard to understand? Do you think women cannot ever find an attractive man creepy?
I have met many women that are direct. So this, again proves that the author of the article and those posting on that website do not speak for all women (I did see a few posts actually where people said they were perfectly comfortable being direct, but yes, some weren't). Why should men assume all women are one way?
Yep, that's addressed in the comments as well. Some women are direct, and feel comfortable with that. Some women don't, and so they aren't. When a man came to say "well, all women should be direct, and there wouldn't be a problem", though, well, they didn't agree with him--even the ones who have no trouble being direct. So what's the take home lesson for the gents? Well, it's that women are different and you need to read her cues. Then you need to respect those cues. (sorry! respect her "bitchiness".)
Maybe because I became friends with them or later on in the evening they grabbed me out of a crowd to talk to me? The only bus I ever rode was a campus shuttle and it was obvious we were all students so it may go back to context, but I don't think I would worry too much on a regular bus either.
Well, your experience is clearly extensive enough to extrapolate to all women and justify dismissing out of hand the opinions some chose to share with you. No problem there.
ETA: Just to clarify, not talking to me = cold. Bitchy = actually acting like a bitch/snob (like making joke at my expense or something like that) ... cold girls can warm up too. What did I reveal with my language? No insinuations, be specific, please.
Oh, so when the subtle cues (the coldness! burr! maybe she wouldn't have had to be cold if you had paid attention to her body language...just sayin') didn't work, and she tried another tactic, a more direct tactic, THAT was bitchy. Got it. It was bitchy for her to be rude to someone who was rudely intruding himself on her notice. Sure is good you extrapolated that to "many women will want me to push their boundaries."
I would feel bad for the anxiety they carry. I know I would never intend to hurt someone or cause them pain. But lets say that is the case for 9/10 girls and the 1/10 actually likes me. Should I deny myself and the 1 the positive mutually beneficial interaction (that might lead to something great and long lasting) to save the 9 some temporary anxiety?
You would feel bad for the anxiety THEY CARRY? Wow, way to assume no responsibility for your own actions. You are acting in a way that makes them uncomfortable, and that you now KNOW makes some women uncomfortable, but it's their fault they're uncomfortable? You are a gem.
You would never intend to hurt someone, but you'd take the risk of hurting nine women because it is IMPERATIVE that you connect with the tenth. Sweet.
Or you could take the advice in the article, and watch for clues, and attempt to hurt as few women as possible. Even if it denies you what you want. You could try respecting the wishes she's clearly sending out, because you recognize her as an autonomous human being, who has the right not to want to talk to you. You know, just for kicks. What would that mean? It would mean you wouldn't get to have a potential relationship with a women whose behavior you have already described as "bitchy". Lordy, the world might end.
One more thing to think about: Let's say a man on the bus is wearing something you really like, or is reading something you really like. A big guy. Lots of muscles. You mention the thing you like. He glares at you (so cold!) and continues to read. Would you even consider pushing past his "bitchiness?" Would you keep harassing him? If you did, what message would it send to him? Be honest.
