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Australia

But...but...but... aren't we talking about Australian possums, plums, and puppy poo?


Not in HL&A, mate. I think we've pushed the boundaries of taste for this sub-forum far enough already,


And if you all go to the "Australians Only" thread, I can't go too... :(


The 'Australians Only' is a parody thread in 'Humor'. As with any thread, anyone can post there.
 
CLANCY OF THE OVERFLOW
by A.B. 'Banjo' Paterson



I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
Knowledge, sent to where I met him down the Lachlan, years ago.
He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
Just on spec, addressed as follows: "Clancy, of The Overflow".

And an answer came directed in a writing unexpected,
(And I think the same was written in a thumbnail dipped in tar)
'Twas his shearing mate who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:
"Clancy's gone to Queensland droving, and we don't know where he are."

In my wild erratic fancy visions come to me of Clancy
Gone a-droving "down the Cooper" where the western drovers go;
As the stock are slowly stringing, Clancy rides behind them singing,
For the drover's life has pleasures that the townsfolk never know.

And the bush hath friends to meet him, and their kindly voices greet him
In the murmur of the breezes and the river on its bars,
And he sees the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended,
And at night the wondrous glory of the everlasting stars.




SouthernCross.gif



I am sitting in my dingy little office, where a stingy
Ray of sunlight struggles feebly down between the houses tall,
And the foetid air and gritty of the dusty, dirty city
Through the open window floating, spreads its foulness over all.

And in place of lowing cattle, I can hear the fiendish rattle
Of the tramways and the buses making hurry down the street,
And the language uninviting of the gutter children fighting,
Comes fitfully and faintly through the ceaseless tramp of feet.

And the hurrying people daunt me, and their pallid faces haunt me
As they shoulder one another in their rush and nervous haste,
With their eager eyes and greedy, and their stunted forms and weedy,
For townsfolk have no time to grow, they have no time to waste.

And I somehow fancy that I'd like to change with Clancy,
Like to take a turn at droving where the seasons come and go,
While he faced the round eternal of the cashbook and the journal -
But I doubt he'd suit the office, Clancy, of "The Overflow".​

- The Bulletin, 21 December 1889






ABPaterson.jpg

Andrew Barton 'Banjo' Paterson​
 
I'd just like to put in a plug here for Australian wine. Especially those from the wineries in McLaren Vale, SA. I'm right now enjoying a D'Arenberg 2006 Grenache Shiraz Mourvedre after finishing off my Maxwell's Little Demon 2008 Verdelho.

Mmmm. Australian wine FTW.
 
I'd just like to put in a plug here for Australian wine. Especially those from the wineries in McLaren Vale, SA. I'm right now enjoying a D'Arenberg 2006 Grenache Shiraz Mourvedre after finishing off my Maxwell's Little Demon 2008 Verdelho.

Mmmm. Australian wine FTW.

Yes Australian wine, is simply outstanding and has a super reputation around the world. I would also suggests some of the whites comming out of Margaret River in WA.

A few years ago I got an excellent sample pack of cold grape wines grown in the small vineyards around Canberra...........sensational
 
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Monty Python

(Eric Idle w/ Australian [but not 'Bruce' character] accent:)

A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

Black Stump Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint flavored Burgundy, whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines. Château Blue, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn. Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favorably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 Coq du Rod Laver, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule. Eight bottles of this and you're really finished. At the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in and the message is "beware". This is not a wine for drinking; this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old & Yellow, which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of Château Chunder, which is an appellation contrôlée, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation; a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends. Real emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy.
 
An oldied but a goodie.....





Cyclone hits Mt Druitt Cyclone Shazza hit Mt Druitt in the early hours of Friday 31st Dec. 2009.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering 'Faaackinell'.

The cyclone devastated the area, causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.

The Mt Druitt Times reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Mt Druitt.

One resident - Tracy Maree Britney Madonna Smith, a 15-year-old Mother of 5 said 'It was such a shock, my little daughter Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Joachim and River slept through it all.'

Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: flannelette Shirts, tight blue jeans or spandex, singlets (blue & white) white sport Socks, Ugg boots and any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: Microwave meals, Baked Beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

Donations of $15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


* * * * *Breaking news* * * * *

Mt Druitt Uniting Church has cancelled their local 'Nativity Display' Due to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin.

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Mt Druitt - oh, stuff it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.
 
An oldied but a goodie.....





Cyclone hits Mt Druitt Cyclone Shazza hit Mt Druitt in the early hours of Friday 31st Dec. 2009.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering 'Faaackinell'.

The cyclone devastated the area, causing approximately $30 worth of damage.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their Centrelink cheques arrived.

The Mt Druitt Times reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Mt Druitt.

One resident - Tracy Maree Britney Madonna Smith, a 15-year-old Mother of 5 said 'It was such a shock, my little daughter Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Joachim and River slept through it all.'

Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.

The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, Jewellery from Kmart and Bone China from Big W.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include: flannelette Shirts, tight blue jeans or spandex, singlets (blue & white) white sport Socks, Ugg boots and any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: Microwave meals, Baked Beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

Donations of $15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.


* * * * *Breaking news* * * * *

Mt Druitt Uniting Church has cancelled their local 'Nativity Display' Due to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin.

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Mt Druitt - oh, stuff it, they won't be able to read it, anyway.

A couple of name changes and youve got my home town in the UK down to a tee (t?)
 
I think this funny piece belongs in this funny thread (which I should have joined long before now).

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A53650

Australia - A Cultural Perspective

Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a significant amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the surrounding sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the 'Great Australian Bight' proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can't spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island, or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this.

Wildlife

The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: poisonous, odd, and sheep.

[...]
 
Great article Orphia, thank you for sharing..... I did like this bit

Alone of all the races on Earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land 'Oz', 'Godzone' (a verbal contraction of 'God's Own Country') and 'Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth'. The irritating thing about this is they may be right.
 
Yes that's a good one, but our beer's not stronger than everywhere else, is it? What do they have overseas? Light beer, or something?
 

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