I'm not an expert in this field, but I'm sure the experts have my back, which is to say they will enthusiastically correct me when I'm wrong.I don't believe the relative velocity is what counts.
Consider poolballs colliding (ignoring spin/friction etc.):
Two poolballs moving towards each other at 50 mph in opposite directions hit head on, the effect each ball has on the other during the time of contact is as if each ball has hit a stationary solid immovable surface at 50 mph.
The relative velocity when two balls are involved is 100mph
The relative velocity when one ball and an immovable stationary surface is involved is 50mph
But the forces acting on each ball in each case is the same.
Stationary is relative. There is nothing that is absolutely stationary because there is no absolute. That "stationary immovable surface" is hurling through space on the surface of this rotating planet. We can "see" this depending on the reference frame we choose. We can also choose a reference frame in which it is stationary.
So, in your example you are actually working with relative velocities whether you realize it or not. Suppose we're looking at the pool table from the reference frame of the sun. The Earth is moving at about 67,000 mph relative to the sun, which means the pool table and everything on it is as well.
If we hit the cue ball so it goes 50mph in the opposite direction as the Earth relative to the sun, it is now moving 66,950mph relative to the sun (ignoring relativistic effects). When it impacts the cushion (your immovable "stationary" surface), the relative speed is only 50mph. It's the same relative speed we calculate if we're standing in the room and doing the math, only in that case we use 0mph and 50mph rather than 67,000mph and 66,950mph.
Thus with the two cars impacting each other, we can choose from an infinite number of reference frames, all of which are going to come up with a relative velocity of 100mph. From the reference frame of standing on the highway, we see each going 50mph. We could do the same calculation from one of the cars and just as accurately say that car is stationary and the other car is moving at 100mph.
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