N. Korea Wondering What It Has To Do To Attract U.S. Military Attention

[subgenius]

More great satire from the Onion:
PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—As the U.S. continues to inch toward war with Iraq, a jealous and frustrated North Korea is wondering what it has to do to attract American military attention.
...
"What does it take to get a few F-16s or naval warships deployed to the Yellow Sea?" North Korean president Kim Jong Il asked Monday. "In the past month and a half, we've expelled U.N. nuclear inspectors, withdrawn from the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, restarted a mothballed nuclear complex capable of producing weapons-grade plutonium, and threatened to resume missile tests. You'd think that would be enough to get a measly Marine division or two on standby in the Pacific, but apparently not."

Kim said his nation is "way more deserving" of B-52 deployment than Iraq.

"Bush says his number one priority is eliminating weapons of mass destruction, but he sure doesn't act that way," Kim said. "Iraq may have weapons of mass destruction and may be developing more. The DPRK, on the other hand, does have weapons of mass destruction and isn't about to stop making them any time soon.

"Can I be any more clear?" Kim continued. "We have nuclear bombs and delivery methods. Kablooey! There goes Anchorage! But does Bush care? Nope—he just goes on about how we're 'a diplomatic issue, not a military one.' If he even mentions us at all, that is."

"It's like I don't even exist," Kim added."
http://www.theonion.com/onion3905/north_korea.html

 

[Alaric]

Aye..this one was a classic. Some of their finest work in a while.


I just got one of their collections for Christmas and I love it. There was one aways back where some other countries harbouring terrorists got together and formed the "Axis of Not Quite So Evil" That one got me rolling as well.

 

[Jedi Knight]

"It's like I don't even exist," Kim added.

If Kim keeps up his nuclear threats, his prediction will come true lol. (pun intended)

Japan issued a statement yesterday that they will invade North Korea if the north even fuels a missile lol. I don't think Kim wants 5,000,000 screaming Japanese light infantry seeking to restore their historic masculinity rampaging through North Korea.

JK

 

[Goshawk]

JK, you do understand that the Onion is a satirical website? That the quoted article is a satire, a parody, a joke?
You do understand that Kim isn't really complaining that we're ignoring him?

Okay.

Just checking.

 

[VernorsRush]

Japan issued a statement yesterday that they will invade North Korea if the north even fuels a missile lol. I don't think Kim wants 5,000,000 screaming Japanese light infantry seeking to restore their historic masculinity rampaging through North Korea.

JK

Where was that statement issued?

 

[Jedi Knight]

Where was that statement issued?

The statement by Japan was issued yesterday.

I will post follow-ups as the rhetoric between those nations continues to escalate.

JK

 

[Brooklyn Dodger]

Once the fallout settles over Iraq, the US will take care of North Korea's Million Target Army.

 

[shuize]

I am surprised. Japan is showing more backbone than I ever would have expected.

 

[kittynh]

take out a hit on Bush I

take out a hit on Bush I...it worked for Iraq

 

[The Fool]

I am surprised. Japan is showing more backbone than I ever would have expected.

I thought Japan's post WW2 constitution only allows thier armed forces to defend Japan. That is why thier army doesn't participate in peacekeeping occupations in other countries. How would thier constitutional restrictions allow them to strike North Korea....even if they say its a "defensive strike"?

 

[shuize]

Fool: I believe you are correct. Japan's post war constitution only allows defensive measures. But I am not sure if that actually means they have to wait to be attacked before they can respond.

As I have posted elsewhere, Japan's military is not insignificant. In the past I doubted whether they have the will to use it even if threatened.

How they will resolve the threat of North Korea aiming new nuclear missiles at Tokyo, I am not sure. But I never would have expected them to take a tough and public military stance.

 

[corplinx]

In the end, I think this is what will provoke China into strongarming PRK into line. China does not want a militarized Japan.

 

[VernorsRush]

I thought Japan's post WW2 constitution only allows thier armed forces to defend Japan. That is why thier army doesn't participate in peacekeeping occupations in other countries. How would thier constitutional restrictions allow them to strike North Korea....even if they say its a "defensive strike"?

That's the way their policy reads to me:

http://www.jda.go.jp/e/policy/f_work/frame22_.htm

 

[subgenius]

N.Korea Says Sure of Winning Nuclear War with U.S.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=578&u=/nm/20030217/ts_nm/korea_north_dc&printer=1