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Does 'rape culture' accurately describe (many) societies?

Why, for many (probably most), is sex outside the marriage/relationship even considered cheating? What actually is the essence of the 'problem'?
 
Darat said:
Because it isn't what some people want.
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Why? Why is there something about sex that should be a deal-breaker for some people? It's just an exchange of pleasure isn't it?

There's nothing 'special' about it in the porn world - nothing worthy of being called 'cheating'.
 
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Poem said:
Why? Why is there something about sex that should be a deal-breaker for some people? It's just an exchange pleasure isn't it?

There's nothing 'special' about it in the porn world - nothing worthy of being called 'cheating'.
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The same way being a redhead is a deal-breaker for some people, believe it or not some people have different preferences to me! I know hard to believe but it is true, some people are that weird.
 
Darat said:
The same way being a redhead is a deal-breaker for some people, believe it or not some people have different preferences to me! I know hard to believe but it is true, some people are that weird.
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So just personal preference; there's nothing in sex (outside the relationship) that is bad per se? Separation because of the application of red hair dye would be appropriate?

Why is there an assumption of monogamy for most relationships?
 
Poem said:
So just personal preference; there's nothing in sex (outside the relationship) that is bad per se? Separation because of the application of red hair dye would be appropriate?

Why is there an assumption of monogamy for most relationships?
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I gave you the answer before - because that is what people want in their relationships.
 
Poem said:
In the same way, if your partner considers masturbating to porn cheating, then it's cheating - but you have already ruled that out.

ETA:
And you still having explained why cheating is 'bad'.
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Again, because it is a breach of trust. I would think that would be self evident. You don't lie to your partner. That damages how they feel about you. It damages how they feel about themselves. Doh!
 
There are a bunch of reasons most people prefer monogamy, from ensuring a kid's provenance, to avoiding STDs, to avoiding drama, to the worry that a partner could fall in love with someone else and want to break up the current partnership and become monogamous with them instead.

Some of these reasons make more sense than others, but at the end of the day they are all preferences, which everybody is allowed to have, and which everybody who wants to be in a serious relationship ought to be communicating.

A person who feels porn counts as cheating should probably not get into a relationship with someone who enjoys porn and isn't willing to give it up to make their partner happy. A person who doesn't want their partner to do recreational cave diving or go on tour or hum beethoven all day probably shouldn't etc etc.

MY preference is for truthful communication about and respect of comfort levels. The biggest discomfort of mine that people like to transgress is 'friendly' teasing, which bothers me a great deal unless it doesn't, and I (me! the person who cares about it) get to decide how much I'm willing to tolerate. Many people don't mind teasing at all. Something doesn't have to be intrinsically bad for it to suck if your partner doesn't care if you're okay with it or not.

The operative bit there being "It sucks when your partner doesn't care if you're okay."
 
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Darat said:
I gave you the answer before - because that is what people want in their relationships.
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Is terminating a marriage (let's assume they have children) due to one's partner dying their hair red, as valid a reason for doing so as for, say, extra-marital sex (or, for that matter, for porn consumption)?
 
acbytesla said:
Again, because it is a breach of trust. I would think that would be self evident. You don't lie to your partner. That damages how they feel about you. It damages how they feel about themselves. Doh!
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I thought you ruled out porn?
 
Poem said:
Is terminating a marriage (let's assume they have children) due to one's partner dying their hair red, as valid a reason for doing so as for, say, extra-marital sex (or, for that matter, for porn consumption)?
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What don't you understand? Depends if that is what that relationship values or not.
 
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Poem said:
I thought you ruled out porn?
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For him, not for everybody. Nobody here is saying "No one may consider xyz to be cheating, because I don't." What they are saying is that when two people both truthfully say "I don't consider xyz to be cheating" then if there is xyz in the relationship it won't be experienced as cheating.
 
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Darat said:
What don't you understand? Depends if that is what that relationship values or not.
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Adultery is the moral equivalent of choosing the wrong hair colour?

Is it possible that porn advocates are forced to downplay the import of sex with respect to relationships? Intimacy is foundational for most relationships isn't it? What's the difference between one's friend and one's sexual partner after all?
 
Poem said:
Adultery is the moral equivalent of choosing the wrong hair colour?
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Who says adultery is immoral?
Poem said:
Is it possible that porn advocates are forced to downplay the import of sex with respect to relationships? Intimacy is foundational for most relationships isn't it? What's the difference between one's friend and one's sexual partner after all?
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How many times does this needs to be addressed? It is contingent on the specific relationship one has with their partner.
 
I think some people struggle with the concept that other people are not them and do not share their desires, needs and moral position. Furthermore, some people are so unable to grasp the concept that not everyone is the same that they think that everyone should act like they do and share their views.
 
3point14 said:
I think some people struggle with the concept that other people are not them and do not share their desires, needs and moral position. Furthermore, some people are so unable to grasp the concept that not everyone is the same that they think that everyone should act like they do and share their views.
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Are you advocating individualism at all costs? Do broken marriages where children are involved often have an undesirable social impact?
 
Most people in committed relationships hold that having sex with others could be grounds for ending the relationship (e.g. divorce).

A few people in committed relationships hold that masturbation using porn (or any masturbation) could be grounds for ending the relationship.

A few people in committed relationships hold that mounting the toilet paper roll incorrectly could be grounds for ending the relationship.

That is not a reason to legally ban toilet paper. It's not a reason to legally ban specific methods of mounting the toilet paper roll. It's not a reason to legally ban masturbation. It's not even a reason to legally ban extramarital affairs.

You're talking about legally banning porn. This seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with cheating, since even cheating itself is legal.
 
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