Sorry, but I wasn't Poe'd (or Cained or Ramjetted). I am also familiar with Swift.
What you don't seem to get is that, in an otherwise good piece of satire, it was a mistake to base part of it on the idea that Kirk didn't have a security detail to protect him. It is a much stronger message that he advocated for the second amendment to the extent that he found it acceptable that a number of people were killed every year because of lenient gun laws and yet tried to protect himself from becoming one of those victims. He did his best to prevent that sacrifice from happening but didn't succeed.
Your piece of satire would have been better if you had incorporated his hypocrisy instead of pretending that he willingly put himself out there as a victim.
I assume that this is also the reason why the other poster criticized this particular piece of your post.