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Is “ Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me” correct?

Squeegee Beckenheim said:
Perhaps, and this is just a thought, but perhaps different people are different and not everybody has the same thickness of skin.

I will certainly say that if you've never been negatively affected, even slightly, by anything that anybody has ever said to you then you're quite an unusual person.
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Unique would probably better describe it.
 
Sometimes I think the whole purpose of this forum is for people to complain that they are misrepresented by other people.


ETA: Of course words can hurt. No sensible person would deny it. The rest of the seven pages have been about people trying to articulate why and how, and coping mechanisms that people could adopt to make those words hurt less, and then people jumping on them because they haven't gone into specific enough detail, or they overgeneralized.
 
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smartcooky said:
That answer really does say a lot abut you, and so does the next one



What if this person you have labelled an idiot, was doing this in front of people you know, that you work with, in front of your 9 year old son?
Still not bothered?

How about if your mother, sister, daughter etc are all present at the time, and hearing every word that is being said about them?
Still not bothered?

Would they be bothered? Would you even care if they were?
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I've pretty much always been of the opinion that if someone is trying to bother me, why would I give them control of me by getting bothered.

I prefer just to smartmouth back and watch them get more and more annoyed because I'm not getting annoyed, I get a kick out of it.
I was quite an annoying bugger as a kid, apparently.

re the bolded. Of course I care about peoples feelings, but I don't let other people who are trying to control my feelings, to do so.

Darat said:
“Psychopath” would be an even better description!
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haha. Seriously though, someone not being able to control their own emotions would be worrying. Could get them into all sorts of trouble.
 
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Meadmaker said:
Sometimes I think the whole purpose of this forum is for people to complain that they are misrepresented by other people.


ETA: Of course words can hurt. No sensible person would deny it. The rest of the seven pages have been about people trying to articulate why and how, and coping mechanisms that people could adopt to make those words hurt less, and then people jumping on them because they haven't gone into specific enough detail, or they overgeneralized.
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Yeah, this. And 'sticks and stones' refers to name calling, not sustained psychological or emotional abuse. Yes, ongoing verbal abuse can be damaging, just like daily relentless punches to the head are more physically damaging. That doesn't equate to the singsong mnemonic, which generally means 'dont be goaded into a fistfight over name calling.'
 
smartcooky said:
I am 100% sure that if someone seriously accused your mother, wife, girlfriend or daughter of being a lowlife, filthy slut who parts her legs for anyone, and that your father probably isn't your real, biological father, you would be bothered by that.
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It entirely depends on who says it.

If a complete random stranger on the internet says it, I give a grand total of zero craps. It is meaningless blather.

If a passing acquaintance that I'm not close friends with says it, well, they're enema-bags, and probably trying to hurt my feelings. They don't merit a response. They don't know what they're talking about and they're simply being childish.

If my spouse says it... well... that's different. That's hateful and cruel, and yes, it would hurt my feelings.

But that's exactly the point, isn't it? Mean words from strangers have no real power over you, and they don't justify a violent response. Even mean words from my spouse wouldn't justify a violent response, although they might possibly justify a divorce.
 
arthwollipot said:
That was indeed a poor example. But tell an African American that they shouldn't be bothered by someone yelling the N-word at them.
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Bothered, sure. Just like I get bothered by people calling me names. It's annoying, it's frequently untrue, and when it's being used as a means to silence me, I get pretty irked.

But it does NOT justify violence in response.
 
Emily's Cat said:
It entirely depends on who says it.

If a complete random stranger on the internet says it, I give a grand total of zero craps. It is meaningless blather.

If a passing acquaintance that I'm not close friends with says it, well, they're enema-bags, and probably trying to hurt my feelings. They don't merit a response. They don't know what they're talking about and they're simply being childish.

If my spouse says it... well... that's different. That's hateful and cruel, and yes, it would hurt my feelings.

But that's exactly the point, isn't it? Mean words from strangers have no real power over you, and they don't justify a violent response. Even mean words from my spouse wouldn't justify a violent response, although they might possibly justify a divorce.
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On the other hand, when my mother called me a bastard I pointed out that said more about her than about me. This was apparently a wrong response.
 
Emily's Cat said:
Bothered, sure. Just like I get bothered by people calling me names. It's annoying, it's frequently untrue, and when it's being used as a means to silence me, I get pretty irked.

But it does NOT justify violence in response.
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I'm confused about what you mean by the highlighted, is your ability to speak being messed with?

I want to learn, what does silence mean in this context?
 
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p0lka said:
I'm confused about what you mean by the highlighted, is your ability to speak being messed with?

I want to learn, what does silence mean in this context?
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Dismiss what I've said as unimportant, paint it as being reactionary, exaggerated, or hysterical. Used to indicate to other people that they shouldn't listen or take seriously what's been said... or to paint the target as a bad person with malicious motives.
 
Emily's Cat said:
Dismiss what I've said as unimportant, paint it as being reactionary, exaggerated, or hysterical. Used to indicate to other people that they shouldn't listen or take seriously what's been said... or to paint the target as a bad person with malicious motives.
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As I have said previously, nobody gets to control how I feel,
the ' it's being used as a means to silence me' seems daft to me, but is of concern?

What position are you in that people can silence you? Do you need help?
I'm in the uk so couldn't get to you to help but there are other forum members
 
The problem in the UK is that the physical response to provocation may all too often be a knife and not a fist. As Mumbles says once you decide to respond to a provocation with force then you should do so without warning and without being 'fair', the use of whatever weapon at hand is legitimate.

In England there is a significant issue of knife crime, knives may be carried for defence, but this leads to a too frequently fatal response to a provocation. I think Mumbles support of the right of young black men to respond to verbal provocation with violence most often results in the deaths of other young black men and rarely elderly white 'racists'. I think that it is an easy message to put out that physical violence is not an answer to being disrespected. I think it is a more difficult and nuanced one that Mumbles is trying to promote.
 
p0lka said:
As I have said previously, nobody gets to control how I feel,
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I'm interested to know what that means in practice and how you achieve it as it seems functionally equivalent to saying 'no virus gets to control how i feel' or 'no punch to the head is going to control how i feel'

You can of course make conscious efforts to overcome how people are making you feel (and these can be effective or not) but if you mean something else then you seem to be in possession of supernatural control over chemicals.
 
p0lka said:
I'm confused about what you mean by the highlighted, is your ability to speak being messed with?

I want to learn, what does silence mean in this context?
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Oh this one's easy!

'Silenced' is the term that is now common parlance in certain segments of the community to mean 'people call me a racist (or whatever other ist) when I say racist (or whatever other ist) things'. It's usually followed up by something about 'free speech' 'facts' and 'civility'

Apparently, according to right-wing snowflakes, its a worse crime to call someone a racist than to actually be racist. A policy that is actually enacted and defended on this discussion forum!
 
Archie Gemmill Goal said:
Oh this one's easy!

'Silenced' is the term that is now common parlance in certain segments of the community to mean 'people call me a racist (or whatever other ist) when I say racist (or whatever other ist) things'. It's usually followed up by something about 'free speech' 'facts' and 'civility'

Apparently, according to right-wing snowflakes, its a worse crime to call someone a racist than to actually be racist. A policy that is actually enacted and defended on this discussion forum!
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Well yeah, lying about another member for rhetorical effect or whatever is pretty damned offensive. Unless you intended calling Emily's Cat a 'right wing snowflake' and *checks notes* a racist as being terms of endearment perhaps? Or do you think you have special permission to bully her around at your leisure?
 
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