We didn't have to be at war with any of them. Hitler admired the US. If we had just kept out of his way there would have been no problem (for us. Too bad about Great Britain etc.). The same could have applied to Britain too (except they thought war was inevitable).
Another huge mistake on both sides, but mostly the US for not taking Japan seriously. And what were we doing in Asia anyway?
Japan knew they had lost the war as soon as they attacked Pearl Harbor. They had a tiger by the tail. If we had come to an agreement afterwards there is a chance they could have gotten away with it. But of course there was no way we would let them. When someone punches you in the nose you don't shake hands and say let's be friends (even if that is the best response).
As you say we were in two de facto wars anyway, and after Pearl Harbor there was no way we could avoid making it official - because we wanted it. We could deal with Russia later. Communism boo hiss yes, but not Russia as such. It was the political ideology we were afraid of, which we didn't have to worry about in wartime.
A peace settlement is not necessarily capitulation. In this case it would be giving them a chance to get out alive, since there was no way we could lose in an all-out war - and they knew it.
Still nuts of course, but if the only metric is numbers (deaths, territory, surviving enemies etc.) you could argue the US might have been better off staying out of WWII. That's why I say it was a choice. But like all choices, in the end there isn't one. We make the 'choices' that we must according to our nature. On 7th December 1941 our choices suddenly focused on what was almost certain to happen anyway eventually, even though at any time we could have chosen differently.
A few modifications of your post. First. It is true that many in the Japanese government and military thought war with the US was really, really stupid and in fact suicidal. However many in the Japanese government and military thought the war was winnable, because they thought the US was a "soft" country that would not be willing to make the effort to crush Japan. (Lacking Japan's martial spirit.) So they thought the war could be won because Us would not face up to a costly expensive war. And thus Japan could acquire its Empire in Asia.
America did have interests in Asia by this time like the Philippines which much of the military in Japan wanted. Japan was also considered an ally of Nazi Germany and Hitler had since April 1941 encouraging Japan to attack the USA. (Promising to declare war on the USA, if they did, even if they did not attack Russia.) Any strengthening of Japan was perceived has strengthening Nazi Germany. Many in the Japanese government and military had long conceived of plans to take over much of the colonial European Empires in the far east. Hence Japanese moves in French Indo-China which were a prelude to that.
The Japanese military which by this time controlled Japan was divided into many factions some of which had a truly delusionary view of war with America, (Mainly the Army.) Many, (Mainly the Navy.), thought war with the USA was stupid. In the faction fighting they lost.